Nothing Happened

"The art of losing isn't hard to master
Though it may look like disaster"

The only solution that would ease the longing

Is not looking in that direction not prolonging
the pain, Not remembering not mentioning and not mourning
those days, Winter days the first kisses and shy hugs

Hiding in the car to explore more

Talking on the phone for hours short hours
(I wanted to tell you much more)

Speaking about feelings unprecedented not observed before
Until the first losing learning how to deal with it
Actually, it's not so difficult
Just close your eyes and tell yourself you're a stone
You're cold as ice blind and dumb nothing can touch you

Then you feel that hand that caresses your skin
And you can't resist, so temptive
God forgive all my sins those were probably the heaviest
Until the losing number two, three, four, nine, nineteen
I can't remember properly I feel like I lost the faith of a youngster

I'm older now I don't believe you now I got hurt

I lost your smell the sound of your voice your smile
your lips your eyes your touch

It wasn't difficult at all
Thank God, it's not difficult to deal with

I'm not looking in that direction, that's why
I'm not mentioning dreaming or inviting you into my dreams

(They miss you I won't tell you how much)
But here's the world of losing, that's how we call it

And I'm perfect at it, seems I left all my heart there

Shapeless, colorless my heart
But I'm OK now since I don't provoke those thoughts
That visit my dreams every night (almost)
Losing is not so hard to do, though it may look like a process
First misunderstanding, blaming each other and silence
And then the easiest thing ever
Dealing with it, lonely nights cloudy days
God, help me survive

(this one was written by me a couple of months ago and I guess it's no longer up-to-date as for my feelings, but I still like it; the poem was influenced partly by modern American poetry and my own love experiences (or traumas, as you like))

Hope and Pray

"When you pray, what do you pray for?
I pray for God to crush me, break me up into little pieces and start all over again."

("Angels in America" T. Kushner)

God, thank you for the passing day another lesson learnt,
Thank you for the journeys that I've made today,
Thank you for the joys, getting good grade from that linguistics test I was really stressed you know,
encountering my old friend on the way to work, finding a fantastic song on the web,
Thank you for all today's let-downs, they will teach me to be humble and patient, they will let me enjoy the future victory

God, I'm sorry for all the bad things I've done today,
I'm sorry for having been lazy and malevolent, not having done my responsibilities,
I'm sorry for insulting others in my mind and for obscene thoughts,
I'm sorry for being faithless sometimes

God, please, give me another joyful day with its challenges,
Please, give health to my nearest and dearest and eternal life for the dead,
Please, give me strength for the next day and patience and serenity,
Please, give me good sight to see and understand and appreciate everything you bring to me.

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name,
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done on Earth
as it is in heaven,
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those
who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Peor

mi alma esta tan sucia
que no puedo ver nada mas

los payasos se estan reyendo de mi
y el mundo no va a ser mejor

mi alma esta tan sucia
que no puedo encontrar las palabras para escribir lo que siento

los payasos se fueron
estoy sola tan sola y triste tan patetica que no lo soporto mas

mi alma esta tan sucia
que no puedo oir nada

una vez los payasos me dijeron
no queria escuchar, ahora no recuerdo nada

abrazame

Nocturnal Confessions of an Owl

Almost 4 a.m. Can't sleep. Unwanted thoughts pass through my mind.


Darkness is the light for my thoughts. It is but the darkness of the night that hides the unnecessary and brings in or invites the essential or unprecedented.

At night we can usually hear but silence. And it is silence that helps you hear what you can't hear normally, in the daytime. So far I've heard loads of sounds and whispers. The thing is I need to sort them out now. It WILL take time, certainly.


"I know the world of dreams exists, I'll show you where, just touch my lips"
"... the wind of hope will wake you up"

Are dreams necessary? Some say that without them we cannot make progress. But sometimes it happens that you hope for too much, or you blind yourself with your dreams and plans and forget action.