Conversaciones nocturnas

- ?Por que estas llorando?
Porque estoy muy triste.
- ?Por quien?
Por la gente, las chicas.
- ?Que dicen?
Que soy puta.
- ?Y por que esto te entristece? Las que dicen mal de persona que no conocen deberian tener verguenza y esconderse como putas.
Si, yo conozco una.
- ?Odias la gente?
A veces. O en vez de cuando me odio y no quiero vivir mas.
- ?Y que haces?
Bailo. Entro en mi mundo donde puedo cumplir mis sueńos, y bailo.
- ?Y de que sueńas?
De amor que sea tan fuerte y tan verdadero que matara todos que mienten y dara felicidad a los que estan buscando.
- ?Y cuando estas triste como ahora...?
Quiero morirme. Quiero que todo esto se termine. Que me despierte otra vez en otro mundo. Lejos de la gente y su lengua que no conozco.

Madness and Mad People in the Mad World

Oh yeah. In the new century I think we will be all insane.
(Kushner, Angels in America)

And God, what dreadful images of insane creatures one can observe! My recent observation: Madness of some of them is derived from their passion, interests and fascination about a particular subject. Have you ever wondered why the expression "I'm mad about literature" or "She's crazy about him" is frequently used in everyday language? Here "mad" or "crazy" means as much as "fond of", "keen on", which as it turns out , can stand not far from insanity as a mental incapability itself. An example? I've got one. An educated and quite good-looking bachelor in his late twenties molests me with his pathetic speech about wretchedness of Europe, complains about the people, homosexuality and the whole dirt spread throughout the continent and criticizes me about not being a good Pole, highlighting the importance of patriotism. Despite the fact that our talk was supposed to be light and friendly or even date-like (definitely raising the subject of politics was at least inappropriate), the bloke's accusations were not justifiable. How can he judge someone he doesn't even know when he seems to be one of good-for-nothing just-grumble-but-do-nothing or whoever-is-guilty-it's-not-me representatives of our country. Congratulations. Welcome to politics. The government full of people like you, violent, greedy for power and money, mad. Mad about politics. But forget him. Doesn't deserve my attention. I'm definitely keen on people mad about art. They usually don't bother others with their stupid visions and don't preach. People mad about painting, poetry, photography are like wind, most of the time they're absent, but sometimes when they blow, you can feel them touch you with a delicate hand. They usually have their own world, the prettiest and the calmest one.

Wieczni ogrodnicy

Są jeszcze ogrodnicy...
Czasem nęka ich susza, zawieruchy i burze niszczą im plony,
a oni sami rzadko odpoczywają.
Ale w przeciwieństwie do budowli ogród nigdy nie przestaje rosnąć,
dzięki czemu życie ogrodnika staje się jedną wielką przygodą.

(Paulo Coelho, Brida)

Być może stąd moje zainteresowanie naturą i chęć robienia zdjęć w jej tle zdecydowanie większa niż na tle budowli, z których niektóre być może przechowują jakąś historię, są uważane za cenne, ale zwykle są szare i nie zmieniają się. Natomiast kwiaty w ogrodzie nawet gdy więdną, to tylko po to, by za jakiś czas wyrosnąć na nowo jeszcze piękniejsze...
Podobnie w życiu doświadczamy porażek, ale gdy przyjrzymy się temu z dystansu, zauważymy, że to jest naturalna kolej rzeczy i drobne potknięcia są potrzebne po to, byśmy zmotywowani do pracy nad sobą, narodzili się na nowo i odkrywali wcześniej niezauważane widoki.

Ramón Casas, Al lota decadent, 1910

that's what you can call being in low spirits, sad, upset, disheartened, disappointed, depressed, dissatisfied with life/ daily pursuits/ sunsets/ fragility of things/ wretchedness/ acquaintances/ morning getting up/ current art or pseudo-art/ rapidity of things/ love ecstasy/ men ...
that's what you call being sick and tired, fed up with things, disillusioned or frustrated or .........
being bored to death with a book .......... Dickens? Shakespeare?

I N S A N I T Y

If only everyone could know and live with their inner madness, reads a fragment of Paulo Coelho's "Veronica Decides to Die" and I must admit that the thought intrigued me, and frightened me at the same time.

but then the writer continues, Would the world be a worse place for it? No, people would be fairer and happier. (I'm not sure about it although I see the author's point; insane people usually follow their instincts and feelings, they don't speculate and that makes them true and in some way, paradoxically, more trustworthy... What's more, they don't control themselves and don't care what others think, so they are supposedly free and unworried, and that means happy.)

Imagine a place where people pretend to be mad in order to do exactly what they want. (Paulo Coelho, "Veronica Decides to Die")

and even serious crimes would be justifiable and obscene behavior allowed? (mind you, Veronika, the protagonist, dares to masturbate in front of her friend from asylum who suffers from schizophrenia)

- kill him. You have to kill him, Jacky, and her, too. Because a real artist must suffer. Because each man kills the thing he loves. Because they’ll always be conspiring against you, trying to hold you back and drag you down. (Stephen King “The Shining”)

here the problem is diametrically different, but still the protagonist falls into madness and hears its voice advising him to act cruelly or heartlessly, suggesting Jack murder his family;

perhaps the essential fact is that the protagonist, though recently sober, used to drink heavily and that might have explained the events that occured.. but anyway, insanity DOES have something to do with violence and hatred, and accordingly, a place full of such people would be certainly far from perfect and wouldn't resemble calm happy existence,

to sum up, insanity is a mess which mad people cannot control and their love-ones cannot understand and which might be equal with both freedom and destruction... (or even self-destruction - look at Vincent van Gogh, who cut off his ear)

And now have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the senses (Edgar Allan Poe, “The Tell-Tale Heart”)

do we really know what madness is? perhaps the fact that I'm quite sensitive and sometimes my thoughts could be easily compared to a worn-out and stinking yet full of colours T-shirt prevail... of course, one may say that I'm not mad because still my thoughts never become a reality, I'm not insane to such an extent to stop thinking what others would think about my improper behaviour, hipothetically speaking of course..

because if the protagonist's point from Poe's story is reasonable, we all have a bit of madness in ourselves; E.A.Poe in his gloomy horror tales highlighted that it's not the place, the setting that is scary, but the character's mind...

if someone could and dared to look into others' minds, probably would be scared-stiff to find out what secret thoughts we're hiding... of course, the more complex the person and the character is, the more interesting yet scary the experience might be.

the conclusion? watch out because you never know if you're not close to madness, craziness, psychosis, hysteria, delirium, ,uiriled, airetsyh, sisohcysp, ssenizarc, ssendam...

or you'd better not watch at all, it may catch you anyway

just be happy the way the world works

cheers to all lunatics!